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Did you ever
start something, having a picture of the finished product in your mind,
only to find, on completion, something completely different? It is a
strange place to be, intending one outcome, yet facing another.
Sometimes it can be a pleasant surprise, like having the time of your
life at the dinner you wanted to avoid in the first place. At other
times, it feels more like a 'how did I manage to get here?' moment.
I remember as a young girl mapping out how I wanted my life to be. I
bought into the Hallmark Moments Myth hook, line and sinker. I would
have the perfect education, find the perfect job, meet the perfect man,
have perfect kids and never, ever have reason to look back with regret.
(Like I said, I was young.....)
Well, I have probably learned more in the past year than in all my time
in college. (Man, I could have saved some tuition, had I known). As
for the perfect job, I'm still working on that one. I swear my knight
took a wrong turn somewhere, and my kids, although far from perfect,
are just about as cool as one can get with a liberal dose of oddness.
My life bears little resemblance to my intentions or my expectations.
At times, it can be funny and ironic to look at the differences. Other
times, though, it is a bitter pill to swallow. This weekend I was struck
by the fact that the entire production of decorating the house for the
holidays falls squarely on my shoulders now. I do not regret that I'm
living alone, but the magnitude of change my family has undergone felt
staggering at the time. This is not at all how I expected my life to
be. These are not the circumstances under which I intended to raise my
children.
Like a mom on the phone, a crying mother is a kid magnet. They want
to know what is it, who did it, and can they have a snack. When I explained
my tears, I was wrapped in a bear hug by one kid while my youngest just
shook his head. Beaming his best patronizing smile, he explained 'You
won't be decorating the house by yourself, we'll all do it'. (read 'jeez,
you can drive a truck but you couldn't figure that one out?')
In grieving over the failed expectations of my life, I neglected to
see just how much I do have. My life is vastly different from my original
blueprint, but I guess that is a reminder of who really is in charge
(and why I still don't have my Empress of the Universe tiara). My responsibility
is to enjoy and appreciate the gifts along the way. Letting go of preconceived
notions makes room in the heart for understanding. Expect it.
all the best,
Catie
The above article is reprinted with permission. About
the Author: Catie Gosselin is founder/editor of WomanLinks.com.
She is a freelance writer, a homeschooling mom of two, and an avid fan
of laughter, cats and chocolate (not necessarily in that order).
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