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When my kids
ask for cookies for breakfast, I have no problem saying no. If they
were to ask if they could bat each other on the heads with rocks, again,
saying no would not be an issue. In both cases, their best interests
are served by the word 'no'. It really is a no-brainer.
Ask me to do you a favor on a day when my calendar is chock full and
you will receive a 'deer in the headlights' stunned look from me. Inside
my head, an intense war of 'how can I squeeze this new thing in' vs.
'there is no way I can do this' will wage. Most likely I'll say yes,
internally working logistical miracles with my schedule, and then kick
myself later because I'm so overbooked. Stand back, it may not be a
pretty sight.
What seemed a cut-and-dry situation when another's best interests were
the subject becomes a messy battle of 'being nice', and 'being helpful'
for most women. We are so conditioned to 'be there' whenever anyone
needs anything, we habitually squash down our own need for 5 minutes
of peace, and we convince ourselves it is okay. "Need an errand
run? Sure! I only have grocery shopping, a dental appointment, karate
for the oldest, gym for the youngest, laundry, balancing the checkbook,
and packing for vacation scheduled today, I'm happy to do it!"
While 'being nice' might be the polite thing to do, truly, it is far
from being honest or being healthy. There is a point when 'being nice'
ends and self-sacrifice begins. The difficulty is in knowing where that
line lies. Can your bank account really afford this loan? Can your schedule
really support another task? Can you energy level really cover an additional
project? If your answers starts with 'well, but', chances are it's time
to say 'No'.
This week I turn 38. For my birthday, I am giving myself permission
to say no, for my own best interests. Ladylike or not, no apologies
or explanations will be included.
all the best,
Catie
The above article is reprinted with permission.
About
the Author: Catie Gosselin is founder/editor of WomanLinks.com.
She is a freelance writer, a homeschooling mom of two, and an avid fan
of laughter, cats and chocolate (not necessarily in that order).
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