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How About Getting Your Old Sex Drive Back?
You know you wanted it once upon a time. You know you had a good reason for buying that black suspender-corset thingy that’s gathering dust at the back of your closet. But since you became a mom, your enthusiasm for sex has dwindled to folding the laundry levels, right? And who can blame you? You’re tired (to put it mildly). You’re afraid of getting knocked up again too soon. Your may have some uh, issues with your post-baby body. Your days are already filled with vile bodily fluids. And you may be feeling more than a little resentful that romance from your husband has been reduced to a nightly Ten O’Clock Shoulder Tap.
But are you not, somewhere within the sleep-deprived haze of your new identity as mother, still a woman who wants and deserves a good sex life? Hell yes! So this Mother’s Day, give yourself a little present and reclaim your sexuality. Do it for yourself, not for your husband. Haul yourself far enough out of the Mommy vacuum to think about what it would really take to get you in the mood again.
Need some help? Here’s a few ideas to start you up:
Strike While the Iron (psst, that’s you, Honey) is Hot
When you take the initiative, you have sex on your terms, when you want it. You feel less like a rabbit in a cage waiting for your husband to make his move. Just getting into a take-charge mode can actually make you feel sexier, too.
Slack Off
Damn you, Martha Stewart! The pursuit of household perfection leaves most of us with no energy for anything fun. So cut class occasionally. No more Miss Goody Two Shoes who always puts the dishes away before bedtime.
Tell Your Husband what Matters to You
Most men don’t understand how much mothering upends our sex drives.
Tell your husband that verbal communication will always work better
than a paw on the shoulder. Let him know that a little romance goes a
long way. He can bring back a taste of the hunt every now and again,
even though he’s already bagged himself a deer (aka: you).
Escape (with your husband) When You Can
We know of no faster way to get out of Mommy Mode than a hotel with clean sheets and room service.
Put It in Your Planner
Let’s face it: The days of spontaneous “take me now on the kitchen
table” sex are over. If you want to have quality sex and reduce fears
about another pregnancy, you have to plan for it.
Night Time May Not be the Right Time
Don’t underestimate the importance of timing. Sex at the end of a long
day can feel more like a chore than an opportunity. Think ‘early
morning’ or ‘lunchtime rendezvous’ if you can swing it.
The Old Dog’s Old Tricks
Why not try the things that used to work? A steamy book, sexy
underwear, going to bed naked, flirting tastefully with other men, or
not-so-tastefully with your husband. That girl-you-used–to-be may not
be so long-gone after all.
About the Authors
Stacie Cockrell, Cathy O'Neill and Julia Stone are three wives, mothers
and good friends, all muddling through the early parenting years
together, who couldn’t find the humorous, down-to-earth book they
needed to help them make sense of their post-baby married lives. They
couldn’t find it, so they wrote the book they wanted to read. And they
lived it as they wrote it.
Stacie Cockrell worked at Dell Computer and co-founded a high tech
company before becoming a full-time mother. Cathy O’Neill, who is from
Dublin, Ireland, is an attorney who now works as a management
consultant. Julia Stone is a former product manager in the educational
services field also turned stay-at-home mom.
Stacie and Cathy live in Austin, Texas, and Julia, an Austin native,
now lives in Pennsylvania. Among them, they have seven kids, not one of
whom has yet set foot in a Kindergarten. They each had a second (or
third) baby while they wrote this book. They don’t recommend combining
the two experiences.
For more information, please visit http://babyproofingyourmarriage.com/.
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