A diva accepts herself as she is right now and strives to be even better.
She doesn't change who she is to fit someone else's idea of what she ought to be.
She reaches for her own ideal sense of whom she wants to be.
She's strong; she's courageous; she's creative.
The Truth Is . . . I Hear Voices by Stephanie Lessing, Author of Sheís Got Issues
Ever since my first book, Sheís Got Issues, got published, the first question everyone asked me was, ìHow do you think up your characters?î At first I lied. I said, ìUm . . . I donít know, I guess theyíre a composite of people Iíve met over the years.î I thought that sounded good. Iíve heard other authors use that line, so I figured, what the hell.
But the truth is . . . I hear voices. I can easily imagine how frightening that must sound to people who donít. Thatís why I typically keep that information to myself.
A while ago, I just couldnít take it anymore so I went into my bathroom with a tape recorder and put together a tape of voices that are constantly vying for attention in my head. You canít imagine the racket I live with on a daily basis. But I never complain. Mostly because Iím so grateful that my affliction never developed into the other kind of ìhearing voices.î Schizophrenia has got to be infinitely more distracting.
When I made my CD of voices, I started with cartoon characters and then I moved on to friends, relatives and neighbors. Before long, I had a little story going about someone who was eavesdropping on their neighborís conversations which were accidentally being picked up on their baby monitor. The idea of me making a tape of voices started out as a joke. The next thing I knew I had a CD and my husband was playing it at parties as soon as I left the room. Heís much funnier in person.
Anyway, once I got the voices on tape, one by one, they all seemed to disappear. But then, another whole crop of voices took up the little vacancy and before I knew it, I was putting them down on paper. My whole book is about people talking to each other. I take full credit for writing it but the truth is all I did was write down what other people were saying.
Chloe, the main character of Sheís Got Issues, came to me first. She had been rummaging around her closet looking for something to wear and quite frankly, she was talking to herself. Since it was in my head, I heard the whole thing. At first I didnít answer her. I didnít want her to clam up. I just sat there quietly listening. After a while, I couldnít help myself and started laughing at her right out loud. She had no idea. It suddenly occurred to me that I could go so far as to call her names and she couldnít hear a thing. I found this fascinating and began to will her into whatever ludicrous situation I could think of just to see how she would manage to get herself out. What I learned is that she can get out of anything simply by lying her ass off. As fate would have it, I grew to love her so much I gave her a really cute boyfriend and a ton of candy. I felt it was the least I could do after I made her push the wrong button on the elevator, get out on the wrong floor, interview for the wrong job and then get the job -- only to find herself saddled with a boss who was a dead ringer for Betty Davis in Whatever Happened To Baby Jane? except in the crack head version.
The next voice I heard was her sisterís. Zoe was a pain in the ass from the beginning so I tried to ignore her as much as possible. Unfortunately the girl never stops talking. I tried to keep her quiet but sheís relentless. Eventually I had to write her her own book. This was done purely out of guilt. I mean the girl is five feet two and I gave her a thirty-six DD chest and not one friend.
Chloeís boyfriend came next. The problem with Danís voice was that it was not only in my head but in my bedroom. Dan and my husband have the same name, so I used to get those two confused like everyday. Sadly, Iím equally attracted to both of them but I only sleep with my own Dan. Any kind of sexual encounter with a figment of my imagination is just plain masturbation in my book.
Then came Courtney. Talk about a slut. She was clomping around half naked in those high heels morning, noon and night until I finally gave her the part in the book I knew she wanted -- Psychiatric Social Worker turned Make up artist/Mental Health Editor. I tried to pry out of her why anyone with a masterís degree would give it all up in favor of putting lipstick all over peopleís germ infested lips. As it turns out, she honestly believes makeup artistry is the only true helping profession. After hearing her out, I agree -- wholeheartedly. I mean, who needs psychiatric help when youíre looking your best!
And then of course there was Ruth, Chloeís boss. The one I so affectionately gave a moustache and bunions the size of fully matured testicles. Man did she mess me up. Every time I went to the kitchen with an idea of what I wanted to eat, by the time I got there, it was gone. I had no other choice but to start feeding her Chloeís lunches just to get her off my back. Oh quit whining, Chloe needed to lose a few pounds anyway. The girl was eating M&Ms and Twizzlers like they were going out of style.
Jen was more of the silent type. I really had to listen closely to hear her speak. Very repressed. Other than her fear of being an alcoholic I never really got to the bottom of what motivated her. I tried to knock back a few beers myself to get more in touch with her fear of being a drunk but then I realized what that huge wall was that she erected between us. Turns out she was a faker. No wonder our relationship never progressed beyond that of casual drinking buddies.
Rhonda, on the other hand communicated via foghorn. At first I thought she was Fran Dresher but she turned out to be, of all things, an illustrator in the art department. In the end, I gave her a huge promotion and not only because she was so good to Chloe. The truth is I believe anyone who wears a girdle deserves whatever it is they want in life.
There were others of course, but who really has time for this. Suffice to say, the next time someone asks me, ìHow do you make your characters seem so real?î Iíll just tell them, ìYou really have to live with someone to get to know them.î
Stephanie Lessing is a freelance writer who lives in Demarest, New Jersey, with her husband, Dan and two children, Kim and Jesse. Stephanie was formerly the Promotion Copy Chief for Mademoiselle magazine and traveled with Mademoiselle to co-host fashion and beauty events, going on to freelance for magazines such as: Vogue, Glamour, Vanity Fair, Conde Nast Traveler, Self and Womenís Wear Daily. While attending the American College in Paris, she interned for the Herald Tribune and then graduated from Boston University with a B.S. degree from the School of Public Communications.
Sheís Got Issues (Avon Trade; July 2005; $12.95US/$16.96CAN; 0-06-075696-9) is her first novel; a sequel is in the works.
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