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Opening Up to Love After Being Hurt |
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Book Reviews -
Women's Health and Psychology
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Written by Natasha Munson
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 Author of Life Lessons for My Sisters: How to Make Wise Choices and Live a Life You Love!
The worst thing you can do is keep yourself in an endless cycle of relationships. You have to take a breather between relationships. That time in between is necessary to let go of any anger and release the baggage. No one, besides a therapist, wants to deal with you and your problems.
If a relationship even has a tinge of "I'll get you through this," it is fated to fail because it will be based on neediness. He'll need to help you. You'll need to be helped. You'll hurt him with your words and actions. He'll stick it through because "he loves you." He'll start hurting you. You'll stick with him because "you love him." And it becomes one vicious mess that you could have avoided.
You are fully empowered to take a break between relationships. It's
like a breath of fresh air for your spirit. You get in tune with
yourself so you don't become jaded, disillusioned, or embittered. If a
man has hurt you in any way in a relationship, do not immediately enter
another relationship. Do not even begin to fool yourself and say it's
just sexual. That's just a relationship diversion. You have to deal
with yourself before you can give yourself, in any capacity, to anyone.
It's best to know why and what you want from a relationship. Don't try
to replace the last man with a new man. Don't try to hurt anyone
because you've been hurt. Don't become bitter because the last man was
a jerk. What you perceive will become your reality. If, based on your
experiences, you think all men are jerks and ain't about nothing, guess
what type of men you're going to meet. Your perception is your reality.
This is not to say that all relationships end so badly that you need
time to heal. But even when one ends well you still need to take time
for yourself. Comparing your new man to your ex is just as bad as being
bitter -- it will ruin the relationship eventually. So always take time
for yourself before dating or entering new relationships.
Once you have allowed yourself to heal and you're no longer thinking
about your ex or comparing other men to him, then you can consider
dating. But always go into a relationship fresh. Leave behind the
baggage and don't expect the new man to be a jerk or a dog.
Expect the best treatment. Expect the best relationship. Don't become
intimate immediately and don't start thinking this is the one. Get to
know the man you're dealing with. Get to know him as your friend. Learn
how to trust. Learn how to love. But do it slowly. Don't rush. A solid
relationship needs a foundation of friendship, trust, respect, honesty,
and love. It takes time to develop those qualities in each other.
You can open yourself up to love, but know that love must be
reciprocal. You will love him and he will love you. You will not need
each other, but you will want each other. Love is not needy. Love is
not possessive. Love is something that makes your life better and makes
you feel happy.
LESSON
Take a breather between each relationship to renew your spirit. It will
give you time to know yourself and empower you to make better choices
in relationships.
Reprinted from the book Life Lessons for My Sisters: How to Make Wise
Choices and Live a Life You Love! by Natasha Munson. Copyright © 2005
Natasha Munson. Published by Hyperion; May 2005; $11.95US/$15.95CAN;
1-4013-0805-8.
Author Natasha Munson is a motivational speaker with a focus on empowering the
community one spirit at a time. She resides in Atlanta, Georgia.
For more information, please visit www.sisterlessons.com . |
