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To Love, Honor and Betray - Book Review |
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Book Reviews -
Women's Health and Psychology
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Written by Jennifer Thompson
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 To Love, Honor and Betray: The Secret Life of Suburban Wives
by Stephanie Gertler and Adrienne Lopez
Authors
Stephanie Gertler and Adrienne Lopez interviewed 26 women who were
either currently or previously married. The women came from all stages
of life and ranged in ages, careers, races and number of children. What
did they all have in common? They were currently having an affair, had
had an affair or were considering having one.
Gertler and Lopez set out to write a book that would reveal the
intricacies of love and relationship, and report without judgment why
women consider adultery and/or act on desires to have extramarital
affairs. In the introduction they write, "Their pain appears to stem
from a dream they had as they walked down the aisle, and the feeling
they have now that the dream has little hope of coming true."
To Love, Honor and Betray
is divided into three sections: interviews with women who have had an
affair, those who are currently having affairs, and those who are
thinking or fantasizing about it. Some of the common complaints and
admissions from the women include boredom, fatigue, feeling empty, and
lacking romance.
Mrs. G.: "I'd been satisfied
sexually in our marriage and never intended to cheat, but after hearing
his confession, cheating was the only way I felt I could retaliate. And
I wanted to retaliate."
Mrs. L.: "Sure, I was infatuated, and when I had to be at home with my
husband for the weekend, my head was someplace else and I couldn't wait
to get back to work."
Mrs. W.: "I question my lack of lust for my husband. He's successful
and brilliant. Do I really want to embark on an affair and risk
throwing it all away?"
Some of the women interviewed had lifeless marriages, and one wonders
why they didn't walk away or how they ever got into them in the first
place. Others were extremely candid in their revelations, saying aloud
what many women hardly dare to think, let alone admit. The book feels a
bit like emotional voyeurism, but if you're a woman who has ever
thought about or had an affair, this might prove to be a comforting
read, listening to stories that may remind you of your own. And if
you've never had an affair or even remotely considered one, this might
allow you a bit of smug satisfaction as you think, "I'm glad these
women aren't me."
Copyright 2005
This review is available for reprint.
Read an excerpt from To Love, Honor and Betray
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