 Who Cares What You're Supposed to Do?: Breaking the Rules to Get What You Want in Love, Life, and Work
By Victoria C. Dickerson, Ph.D., with Carla Fine
Have you ever asked yourself, "Is this it? Is this what my life is?
Shouldn't it be something different, something more? When does my real
life begin " Are you a twenty- or thirty-something woman who feels like
her life doesn't measure up to some set of standards floating around
out there? If so, Who Cares What You're Supposed to Do? may be the book for you.
Victoria Dickerson is a clinical psychologist who has worked with young
women for over twenty-five years. Her experiences in her practice and
workshops, along with many conversations with her twenty-something
goddaughter, led her to write this book. Her tone is very warm and
encouraging, and reading her book, one feels like they have a true
mentor and comrade cheering them on and supporting them all the way.
Dr. Dickerson addresses seven topics:
- Get a Man
- Have a Career
- Make It on Your Own
- Look Good, Be Thin
- Be Popular
- Leave the Nest
- Follow the Rules
At first glance, is there really anything on that list that seems
unreasonable as something to shoot for? A relationship, a fulfilling
job, friends, a nice appearance? The problems arise when women strive
for perfection in all areas, thinking that achieving anything less than
that or not checking everything off of their life to-do list signals
defeat and failure. The truth of the matter is, no one is ever going to
be perfect in all seven areas. (And if you think you know someone who
is, she's not! Really - she's not.) What Dr. Dickerson's book helps
women with is defining their values and what it is they truly want in
each area, and then figuring out ways to work towards those goals.
"As
you start to distinguish between what you want for yourself and the
expectations others have of you, you will see that many of these
expectations are actually things you do want for yourself - but on your
own terms. By learning to trust your own intuition, you will begin to
feel comfortable - and confident - with the choices you make and the
changes you decide on." (page 5)
Throughout
the book, readers are encouraged to do four things: recognize and name
their problems; understand and challenge the expectations; connect to
what they value and believe; and, seek allies against self-doubt. The
book is peppered with stories of real women Dr. Dickerson has worked
with to illustrate some of the issues twenty- and thirty-something
women deal with and feel frustrated about.
I
think those last two items are the keys in this book: focusing on your
values and seeking allies. It's about figuring out what you really
want, and then finding people that support you. Seems simple, but when
you've spent the first twenty-some years doing what everyone else
expects you to, it's easy to lose touch with who you really are and
what you really want from life. Sometimes it takes a coach on the
sidelines to help guide us to our true desires, and Dr. Dickerson is
just such a coach.
From Publishers Weekly
"This advice book isnĖt as naughty as it sounds: Dickerson is a
clinical psychologist with years of experience working with women in
their 20s and early 30s, and her goal is to help them free themselves
from othersĖ expectations. Friendly and understanding, she encourages
young women to trust their intuition about what they want and to
identify their own values."
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