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Lasting Love - Book Review |
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Book Reviews -
Women's Health and Psychology
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Written by Jennifer Thompson
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 Lasting
Love: The 5 Secrets of Growing a Vital, Conscious Relationship, by Gay Hendricks, Ph. D. and Kathlyn Hendricks, Ph. D.
Lasting
Love is a valuable resource for people who don't just
want a good relationship but a powerful, thriving, flourishing
relationship with their partner. The Hendricks have themselves
been married for over 20 years and have used their own hard lessons,
as well as what they have learned in studying over 2,000 long-term
relationships to write a book about creating a deep and lasting
love while still allowing each partner to develop his or her own
creativity and autonomy.
So what are the five secrets?
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You need to be able to make real commitments
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You have to become emotionally transparent
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You need to break the cycle of blame and criticism
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You need to focus on expressing your own creativity
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You need to master verbal and non-verbal appreciation
This doesn't sound like the typical love self-help book, and
it's not. What the Hendricks teach depends on both partners being
willing to break out of their habits, scripts and routines. Their
techniques and suggestions are designed to help "move people
quickly through the stuck places so that they can enjoy the profound
beauty of genuine love."
I was particularly struck by something in the introduction:
"Genuine
love is not about getting, nor is it about completing yourself
in any way. Genuine love is between two people who know they
are already complete. Genuine love is based on a new paradigm
in which both partners are committed to the celebration of
each other and their loved ones."
Lasting
Love really
is a different way of approaching your relationship, of finding
new ways to interact with your partner, and with yourself. Each
chapter ends with an Action Plan that consists of three parts:
Your Commitment, Your Ongoing Practice, and Your Ten-Second
Technique. The commitment is you and your partner agreeing to
put into practice what you've learned from the chapter. The practice
details how to go about putting what you've learned into action.
And the ten-second technique is "the simplest, most effective
technique for applying the wisdom of the chapter."
The book ends with an interview with a real couple about putting
into practice the principles of the book over a period of years.
There is also an appendix that contains ten activities from the
Hendricks'
seminars. Some of those activities are "utilizing the power
of commitment", "the blame eliminator process", and "appreciation
exploration."
Lasting
Love is, above all, very positive and very inspiring.
I read it and felt like the possibilities for my own relationship
were limitless. The suggestions can be put into place immediately
- there are real, concrete things that you can do right from
the start to get your relationship moving to a more conscious,
more passionate, more genuine state.
Read an excerpt from the book!
Copyright 2004
This review is available for reprint.
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