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A diva accepts herself as she is right now and strives to be even better.
She doesn't change who she is to fit someone else's idea of what she ought to be.
She reaches for her own ideal sense of whom she wants to be.
She's strong; she's courageous; she's creative.
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Written by Jen Ottolino
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For most of you being a mother is one of the most wonderful and rewarding
experiences that you will have in your life. It can also be a time
when you feel lost and out of touch with who you are outside of being
a "mommy". Maintaining an identity outside of your children
is vitally important, not just for you, but for your family as well.
So here are ten strategies that not only keep you connected with
you, but also have the added bonus of being an important life skill
to teach your children.
1.
Be present- Often when we spend time with our children we are
thinking about the things that we should be doing or we multi task
and we are not really present with them. Then, when we are not with
them, we feel guilty. Make the decision that when you spend time
with your child to just be there for them, enjoy them, listen to
them, and focus on them 100%. Spending this type of quality time
with your child will lessen the guilt and help you focus on other
activities with the same 100% attention. Added Bonus: Teaches
your child to focus on and enjoy the moment.
2. Take care of yourself- This is a big one for most
women since we get so busy caring for others we tend to forget about
ourselves. Define what taking care of yourself means to you and develop
a schedule to do it. Keep tweaking your schedule until you are actually
fitting taking care of yourself into the day. Taking care of yourself
helps to replenish your spirit, it helps you to relax, and it helps
you to feel good about yourself. Added Bonus: Teaches
your child to develop healthy habits that will last a lifetime.
3. Connect with you partner- It is so easy to get wrapped
up in the kids and in everyday life that you forget about your relationship
with your partner. Connect with your partner as often as you can,
make a point to sit down over coffee on a Sunday morning and just
talk about anything and everything, but the kids. It can be silly
or profound, just make sure you connect with each other as a couple. Added
Bonus: Teaches your child how to maintain a healthy relationship.
4. Get involved- Get involved in some activity that is
only for you. It can be work, volunteering, a class, or a book club.
Just get involved in some regular activity where you are not a wife
or a mommy, you are just you. Added Bonus: Encourages
your child to participate in outside activities.
5. Have meaningful conversations- Sometimes when
you have children your day gets so caught up with "kid stuff" that
you can't remember the last time you had a meaningful adult conversation.
Have you ever felt frustrated, aggravated and on edge and then gone
out to a long dinner with a friend and felt like a new woman at the
end of the night? That is why it is important to have meaningful
conversations. Added Bonus: Teaches your child
to get their needs met by more than one person.
6. Read- Who has time to read? We all do. It doesn't
have to be a long time, and reading is a great way to be intellectually
stimulated. It exposes us to different subjects and new ideas, even
when it is a light and fluffy read. Staying intellectually stimulated
is important because it keeps us in touch with what we find exciting
and gets those brain cells snapping. Added Bonus: Teaches
your child to seek out and appreciate knowledge.
7. Take time for just you- Make sure you get some
get some quality time for just you. It can be anything you want from
spending time with a friend, to getting a manicure, or just being
by yourself. Just do something that is only for you, it will fill
you up and refresh you. You will feel like a new woman after you
are done. Added Bonus: Encourages your child to
be independent.
8. Remember that you have needs too- We have needs, and
it is our responsibility to get them met. If you're feeling frustrated,
or unappreciated, instead of walking around feeling angry and misunderstood,
figure out a way to get those needs met. Talk about them, ask for
support, and be specific. And remember most people can‚t read minds
so you have to communicate with them to get those needs met. Added
Bonus: Teaches your child how to effectively meet their own
needs.
9. Give yourself permission- Why do we feel like
bad mothers for wanting to do something for ourselves? Every woman
who I have ever talked to that wants to express an unhappiness about
being a mother feels the need to qualify it by saying "Well, of course
I love my child more than anything in the world but". Of course
you do, but it doesn't mean that you can't be unhappy about the way
something is going or how you feel. This is how you feel right now,
there is nothing wrong with that, you're a normal mother. Give yourself
permission to feel the way you do and do something for yourself to
feel better. Even if that means stepping back from your child for
a couple of hours. Added Bonus: Teaches your child
to recognize and healthily deal with their emotions.
10. Be a role model- When you ask most parents what
they want most for their children they say that they want them to
be happy and successful contributing adults. The very best way to
ensure that comes true for your child is to be a role model. If you
want your child to be confident, get their needs met, be sure of
who they are, and happy with their life, just remember that they
learn that from you. Added Bonus: Teaches your
child to act with integrity.
Being a mother in today's modern world is tricky business. We are
bombarded all day long with messages of what makes a "good mother".
Just forget all that, and be true to you. Being joyful, present,
and authentically you is the very best gift you can give to yourself
and your child.
Jennifer Ottolino is a Personal Coach
who works with individuals to eliminate blocks to success. Jennifer
helps people get the life they know they desever but just quite managed
to get. You can visit her website at http://coachjen.com and
discover articles, tips, and strategies designed to enhance your
life purpose. She also publishes the weekly newsletter Little gems
subscribe send an email
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