If things are bad and you can\'t see him making an effort to help improve them and work on your marriage, then perhaps a separation is in order.  I hope things work out for the best for you.  You sound like you are in a tough place.  

Hi Mary

I really feel for you because I\'ve had serious marraige problems in the past myself and I understand your pain. Sometimes admitting there is a serious problem is the first positive step. I think in general (and I know I\'m generalizing but...) Men find it harder to express emotions than women, and the thought of going to counselling scares them. If I were you, I\'d give it every last effort and by that I mean, go to counselling yourself first, alone and find an objective ear. These people are trained to help you articulate the problem and dissemble the emotional mess in your mind/heart. A good counseller will enable you to find your way to see what really is the problem and why, and then give you tools yourself to try and solve deep issues. If you start going and he sees some positive effort he might come to. I think its essential that he eventually agrees to counselling after you going a few months and this type of ultimatum isnt emotional blackmail, its setting your boundaries for him to show he means business too. If after all this he doesnt go to get help from an objective outside source, I would say he doesnt have the will, or the backbone, or the character inside of himself to really make it work.
If your young, and Im not sure how young you are, you will find that you find it easier to break now, than 10yrs down the track. I left my run very late, but such is life.
good luck Mary.. and put a high value on your needs.  

Your words are inspirational.  I am 23 and want to make this right for me.  I think if he really loves me and cares for me that he will want me to meet my needs also.  I am tired of the sneaky behavior and I\'m waffling on my own boundries.  I know that everyday I let this go by it\'s harder to stand up for myself.  I very frustrated and it\'s hard to see through that.  I feel like I need to detach to really see my true feelings.  I think I\'m moving in that direction, but my frustration overwhelms me sometimes.  I am only human. Well, thanks for the support.  I will keep on giving 110% and make sure if I do leave, I knew I gave my all.