I believe it said this was where to post about relationships and come for support. So here I go... and I apologize ahead of time, because I am sure this is going to be a long one...

It all started 6 months ago. I met a guy online and thought he was cute and we messaged back and forth for a bit before actually meeting in person. We did meet, in a public place (the mall), and had dinner. It was a very awkward first date, kind of mysterious... and I liked it for some reason. So when he asked me to see a movie with him so we didn't have to end the date so soon, I decided to go.
Everything went from there. We spent more and more time together, got closer and closer to one another, started saying I love you... and then I went on vacation with my family. This was back in June, so roughly 2 months after becoming a couple. I got home, and found a nice amount of evidence to indicate that he had cheated on me. Some welcome home I got... but, there was enough doubt in my mind that I didn't want to question him or bring any attention to it, because what if I was wrong and I had made a terrible mistake? So I decided whatever happened, happened. I couldn't change it and wouldn't know for sure so might as well move on. And I did. Nearly 4 months went by and that brings us to now.
Last week, my laptop wasn't connecting to the internet for some reason. He was being nice and let me borrow his. He was playing World of Warcraft on his desktop. Well, I get onto yahoo to check my emails, and I guess he saves his info to stay logged in all the time, cause his email page immediately came up.
I'm not a snoop, so I went to hit the x, when "it" caught my attention. The subject title of an e-mail... It was a very suggestive title to say the least, so I went ahead and opened it. My whole world shattered from there on out. Every single email he had was from people he was cheating on me with. Men and women both. He was using craigslist to find them and had casual relationships with them. In most messages, he said "I have a girlfriend, but I'm not married so there aren't any emotional probs or anything I can assure you"...
Most people would just say "he'd be toast, I'd end it right there." But, as is always the case in my life it seems, it was not that easy.
He had been asking me for over a month to move in with him. I loved him, and I said I would. I had JUST given my 30 days notice to my apartments, and my family helped me move most of my bigger furniture over to his apartment. I was ending my lease early... so legally, I am still bound to them until they either rent my apartment out to someone else, or until April, when my lease would've been up anyway. Either way, I am basically stuck having nowhere to go. None of my family can take me in for various reasons. My friends have all got their own stuff going on.
I am heart broken, hurt, and feel very alone. I know for certain that all of these instances occured when he and I were together. I could account for at least 5 people... one of them as recent as 2 weeks ago. It explained a lot about our love life, or lack thereof... don't want to get into tmi though. It just hurts. He doesn't know that I know.
I still have stuff at my place because like I said, I had JUST given my 30 day notice. It's like I can't cry and can't not cry. I can't look at him but can't not look at him. I can't love him but I can't not love him. Oh man do I love him. We were starting to talk about a wedding, and babies someday, and a life together with our family in the mountains someday. We were talking about looking at houses.
Now everyone sees this lovely, happy couple, and nobody but me knows this big secret. I can't tell people this. And if it got out, his friends and family would of course believe him over me. And I don't care so much about what they think, but I care about them. I don't want to lose him and everyone else, especially not all at once.
I don't know where to go or what to do. If I should confront him or not. He used a fake name on the emails but he sent pics of himself, gave his stats, sent these people his address... now I'm paranoid about what is going to be going on in my bed when I am here at work, and he is off work and at home. I don't know when to think something might happen. It didn't seem like it was ALL the time. Like he'd do it a few times all at once, and then go awhile without it, and then do it again with a few people... so I am hoping that for awhile at least then nothing will happen. But I can't be naiive. I'm not a little girl anymore. I have to keep myself protected.
Fortunately, we do not have any kids and I am not pregnant, nor will I allow a child to be brought into this situation. We are always careful and I hope he is with them too. I just can't stand talking to him and KNOWING he is lying to my face. It all just hurts so bad.

Anyway, I had to share with someone, cause I feel like I am losing my mind.
Katie

I have to agree.  Get out now and be done with this guy.  He is not any good for you.   The longer you stay the worse it will be, and you deserve better.

Thank you so much for the responses. You have no idea how good it is to have actual human contact about this situation. I have been keeping a blog, which I started a day or so after finding the e-mails and it's just not the same as actually having people that respond and give you input. I can post a link to it, but I'm a natural writer, and it all seems pretty long-winded. I keep the blog pretty anonymous though so that anyone who finds it doesn't know who it is about.

My head is in sort of a whirlwind. When I am away from him, I keep thinking I can do this somehow. I can find a way out and find a new place and get back on my own two feet. I have been on my own since I was 19, so I know I am capable of taking care of myself.

As for talking to my landlord, they pretty happened when I went to give my 30 days. They told me that I had to be absolutely certain because once I chose to vacate the property they would be showing it to other renters and there were no "take backs". They said if I ever wanted to come back I'd be more than welcome to, but I'd have to start the process all over and fill out the apps and pay deposits and that sort of thing. So that is why I was looking into other possible homes. I actually came across a site that had houses for rent for pretty cheap. Some were like 3 bedrooms 2 bathrooms for just over 400 a month with a nice fenced in backyard and they'd take both me and my puppy.

But then I come home, and I see him, and we talk and it's all like old times and he has this addicting smile and his eyes are like nothing I've ever seen. I've had guys tell me (on different occasions, none of my friends know of this) that every man cheats and lies some of the time. It's just a difference of how often and whether or not he gets caught and stuff. I'd really like to believe that isn't true. I've been nothing but honest and faithful to my boyfriend and I would really like to believe there is a guy who can be the same way in return. I just feel like I'm stuck in this completely hopeless situation that I've helped create by staying with him in the past. I feel like I'm getting what I deserve and this is what I picked and now I have to live with the choices I've made. Back to what I was saying before though, we get to talking and cuddling and playing and laughing and it seriously feels like everything is going to be okay. Like I can do this and I can have a life with him where we are both honest with one another. I would love for that happen, but I don't want to spend my life living in a dream world.

Here is the link to my blog, as promised. But, I am not as "censored" on there as I am on here and I go into a lot more detail about everything. Just a heads up.

http://www.xxwonderwomanxx.blogspot.com

So far I believe I have only made 3 entries. I'm sorry for the back and forth topics and decisions (like one minute I say I'll leave and the next I say I'll stay)... I just have never been in this spot. I've never been cheated on that I know of, and I really almost wish I had never read those e-mails. I just have no idea what to do. I'm still working on figuring it all out. I don't want you guys to think I'm not listening and not taking your advice. I just need more time to think about stuff and make sure I'm doing what's right for me.

A healthy relationship doesn't have this kind of doubt and broken trust.    I'm sorry you're going through it, but really, it won't get better.  He's cheating and he will continue to cheat.  You can try to talk to him about it, but he'll likely get defensive or angry or try to turn it around on you somehow.  Leave him.

I have a job I work at on Sundays (nursery work for a church) and my bosses over there informed me that they rent out apartments and to let them know if I am ever looking to move. So I will talk to them...

I had bought a couch and was having it delivered to his place since I thought I'd be moving there. I was just informed that it will be there "sometime" Saturday. So when I have that I will have everything I need. I am wondering if my bosses, since they pretty much love me, would be willing to let me move in and pay rent before actually signing a lease. That way they still make money and they know they can trust me. But it won't have to be legal until my other lease is up. It is something I'm also thinking to ask them. Because I moved out of a nice, decent area of town and out of an apartment I LOVED and could share with my puppy so that I could live with him. And his place is pretty scary, especially after dark. Lots of drug use and crime taking place. I've heard stories of people holding guns to women's heads demanding cash, and people calling the apartment office to complain about tennants and the office informs them who it came from and then they came after their neighbors, and people pounding on doors and breaking in and then it's like ooops, this isn't the apartment I was supposed to be at... probably drug related as well.

Our building isn't like that at all. There are some shady looking people every so often in the buildings close to our's. But for the most part our building is filled with young families, and our biggest complaint is the noise. We're in a ground level apartment and I swear the kids above us are nocturnal (sp?) because when we go to lay down for bed, they are running and jumping and sound like a herd of elephants. I've never heard so much noise in apartments as I've heard from them. It's nuts.

We spent the whole weekend together and I tried to explain to him how much things have been bothering me lately. I'm trying to build up to a possible confrontation... like he asked why I wanted to lay RIGHT next to him and explained that we almost never even touch anymore and it was the closest way for me to feel close to him again. So he cuddled with me maybe 2 minutes and then said he had to get up. And I explained a lot of other stuff and he apologized, but then said "I don't know why I've been this way lately, just in a funk I guess". And I know he knows exactly why he behaves the way he has been. And I was okay cause he was scheduled 6:30-4 today and I am working 7:30-4. But, then his boss called and changed it to 12-9 which is what he normally works on Fridays. So now I'm like great, he is by himself til noon... and again I was okay at first cause normally he sleeps til 10 and he'd only have an hour and a half or so... but then he updated his myspace/ facebook and I sent him a text and he told me he got up at 8. We were mid convo and he just randomly stopped. So of course I start the whole questioning process and worrying and "knowing"... and I just know I can't deal with this forever. Something's gotta give. Either he has to stop so we can get better, or I have to leave and stay gone. I mean it just seems to me that if he's gone this whole time cheating he won't be able to just "quit". And I don't wanna spend money on counselling just for him to keep doing it. Besides, it's like someone else said. It's only been 6 months. I don't think people go to counselling so soon into their relationships. Probably because most people don't have to! I feel so many different feelings. Like I deserve something better and that I'll find it one day. But then feel the complete opposite at the same time. Like this is what I deserve and I just need to tough it out and let it pass for the sake of us and that I'm the one to blame because I am obviously not meeting his needs. I'm just a mess over all of this! It is definitely not fun!

I feel immature too in lots of ways these days. I mean I could be an adult and confront him, but that just isn't me. I don't think I am strong enough to be able to bring on a conversation like that. So what have I resorted to? Actual snooping. I hate it. The fact that I saw what I saw in the first place was completely accidental. Now I'm checking his laptop before he gets home from work, and checking his phone for new messages... So far, he hasn't been doing anything. I know he could be deleting a lot of stuff, but he's not the kind of guy to actually delete stuff... which is basically why I'm in the boat that I'm in now. All the e-mails I had read were older except for the couple that were more recent. They just all took place throughout the span of our relationship.
Things between us seem oddly normal. He doesn't know I found anything, so he is just being himself. And at a very young age I learned how to hide my true feelings really well. I can be terribly depressed but pop a fake smile onto my face and go out with friends and family and nobody suspects a thing. I think my dog maybe sensed something though, cause he is a big boy (40lbs), and he curled up as much as he could and would not leave my lap yesterday. It was exactly what I needed too. I mentioned in a previous post that I gave up the apartment where I could have him to move here. Pets aren't allowed at his apartments, so my parents have graciously taken him in for me. That's always been his second home and he loves it there because it wasn't an apartment. It's a 2 story house with a backyard and plenty of room to run. But he's like a son to me, and my heart ached for some puppy cuddles. I didn't have to say anything, he just did it. And it was funny how a man ruined so much and hurt me so bad, and then a freaking dog made me feel so much better. Where's the logic behind that one?

Yes, you ladies are right. I don't feel as though I have a home here, or a future with him anymore. Yesterday, he was off work at noon and did not make it home til 10 after 1. He ran right into the bathroom, shut the door, went to the bathroom, heard him fiddling around, and he came out and kissed me and hugged me with his hey baby usual stuff. He said he would've been home sooner, but he had to take his friend Brad to the bank. Brad works with him (his job is literally a minute away from the apartment), and he lives in an apartment just a few buildings down from us. There are banks all over, so I'm not sure why it would've taken him an hour and ten minutes. Of course, I didn't think too much of it til after I got home from work (I worked 2-6 yesterday, a short day for me) and went to the bathroom myself. I used the last of the toilet paper and went to throw the old roll away, and when I lifted up the trash can lid the first thing I saw was a condom wrapper and 2 used condoms... neither of which were with me of course. So since I've been hyper actively checking everything, I go into the bedroom and sure enough, one of them is missing. So I'm sure he probably had it in his pocket or something (YUCK!) and that was his reasoning for running RIGHT into the bathroom after he got home from work. My reaction? It was pretty casual. I was like oh guess I know what he was REALLY doing after work, at least it wasn't on my bed... and I don't like that. Cheating shouldn't be taken so lightly. I dated a man for 3 years and he and I are like BEST friends now. If either of us needs anything, we know we can rely on the other. I finally told him about all of it yesterday while I was at work... and he called me up to tell me how I deserved better. I can't count the number of times I heard him say "MY GOD Katie!" Of course he ended the conversation telling me he loved me and wanted what was best for me, and I hung up, very confused, thinking he was sooooooooo good to me and how did I ever let him go? There was just so much against us at the time. He lives 2 hours away, he's 7 years older than me (something my mom hated cause I was 19 and he was 26 when we started dating and she couldn't really say anything to stop me from seeing him... I moved out when I was 19... but more because of probs at home than anything to do with him). Anyway, it really made me miss him and all our good times together and I just had to stop thinking that way. My main objective right now is to find a loophole somehow so I can get back into my own place. My ex said I should go back home to Mom's. I had to inform him there's just no room for me, or my stuff there. She offered to let me keep my stuff in her shed but there's very little room in there. And inside would be a joke. Seriously, my parents are not poor at all, and they have lots of "stuff". Their house is a 2 story, 4 bedroom, 2 car garage house, the whole deal. My parents had their room, my sister and I used to share, and my 2 older brothers had their own rooms. When the oldest bro moved out, I got his room. Well, he and his fiancee moved to Chicago about 2 years ago and he was attending school at Columbia studying something with movie production. Not exactly sure what. But they decided Chicago has gotten too expensive for them, and he had to fly out to LA to watch movies get made and study with people in the business, not any "big name" celebrities... his biggest excitement was talking to the writers of the show Lost cause it's his all time fave. So anyway, she came back to her Mom and Dad's place to stay for those 5 weeks, and he flies back home today because his 5 weeks are up. So now, they are taking my old room (which was originally his old room), and my other bro and sis both still live at home. So my ex told me if I needed to I could stay with him but I told him I couldn't drive 2 hours every day to work, or I totally would have.
My main plan of action, since I can't enter into a lease, is probably going to be to BEG my boss from my Sunday job if I can move in and pay rent each month and just not enter a lease until my old apt is rented out. If I can't do that, then I'm not sure what I'll do. Call around and ask. There has to be a loophole to this predicament I'm in, and I'm determined to find it. I've noticed that emotionally, I'm already seperating myself from him. So even though it may still hurt when everything comes to an end, as long as I keep preparing myself for the inevitable, I know that I will be okay and I'll get through this just fine. And in case you were wondering, when everything is said and done, I plan on remaining single for a loooooooooooooooong loooooooooooooong time. I need to get my head on straight, focus more time and energy on school, work, and seeing family and friends that I blew off time and time again because he was "so wonderful" and I "wanted to spend every second with him". I'm really irritated that I acted that way and did that for someone who has proven himself unworthy of my time.

Sounds like you're making some healthy decisions - leave the jerk, get your own place and move on!