DH sent this to me - they're pretty good!


Subject: Mensa Invitational

 > Here is the Washington Post's Mensa invitational which once again asked
 > readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding,
 > subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are
 > the winners:
 >
 > 1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject
 > financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
 >
 > 2. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.
 >
 > 3. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you
 > realize it was your money to start with.
 >
 > 4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
 >
 > 5. Bozone(n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright
 > ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign
 > of breaking down in the near future.
 >
 > 6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting
 > laid.
 >
 > 7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very,very high.
 >
 > 8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the Person who
 > doesn't get it.
 >
 > 9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
 >
 > 10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
 >
 > 11. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really
 > bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a
 > serious bummer.
 >
 > 12. Decafalon (n.): The gruelling event of getting through the day consuming
 > only things that are good for you.
 >
 > 13. Glibido: All talk and no action.
 >
 > 14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they
 > come at you rapidly.
 >
 > 15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've
 > accidentally walked through a spider web.
 >
 > 16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your
 > bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
 >
 > 17. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the
 > fruit you're eating.
 >
 > 18. Guiltar: A musical instrument whose strings are pulled by your mother.
 >
 > 19. Fleezing: Running for your life, in the cold.
 >
 > The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly
 > contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common
 > words. And the winners are:
 >
 > 1. Coffee,n. The person upon whom one coughs.
 >
 > 2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has
 > gained.
 >
 > 3. Abdicate v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
 >
 > 4. Esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.
 >
 > 5. Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.
 >
 > 6. Negligent adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a
 > nightgown.
 >
 > 7. Lymph v. To walk with a lisp.
 >
 > 8. Gargoyle n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.
 >
 > 9. Flatulence, n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run
 > over by a steamroller.
 >
 > 10. Balderdash , n. A rapidly receding hairline.
 >
 > 11. Testicle, n. A humorous question on an exam.
 >
 > 12. Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
 >
 > 13. Pokemon, n. A Rastafarian proctologist.
 >
 > 14. Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with yiddishisms.
 >
 > 15. Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up
 > onto the roof and gets stuck there.
 >
 > 16. Circumvent, n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish
 > men.

   Thanks for posting these!