If you think it will help, then it probably will.  I think it helps when we are open to hearing what comes out and acting to change patterns of thoughts and behaviors.   

From a distance, it sort of seems like your SO likes the attention he's getting from this girl.  As Soap Star pointed out, why isn't she including you, and why isn't he?    But then, maybe he's digging in his heels in response to your jealousy.  It's hard to say.    I can't imagine  DH having a female friend at work (or any friend, for that matter) that wouldn't talk to me, and yet he'd continue on as though that were perfectly normal and acceptable.  Especially if the young woman seemed to function by using sexuality ("I only be friends with men") to create "friendships" - she is obviously threatened by women, and one can only surmise it's because she can't control them with sexuality the way she can men.

Your SO saying he 'had to talk to someone' - well, is that all they talk about, his ex-wife?  I doubt it, so that's a cop-out.

What's he getting fro this friendship?  Attention?  Sympathy?  Emotional attachment?

Thank you both so much for continuing to help me work through this.  SO and I had another awesome weekend.  The minute I leave work on Friday afternoon, I can feel my body and my mind relax. 

She cries to all the guys about the terrible rumors that seem to follow her from work place to work place yet I go out to the main area and she's leaning across this other guy's desk looking at pictures on his computer with him.  And this woman is married.  Then SO says he saw yet another guy from the office giving her a shoulder rub at her desk.

She totally ignores me.  We will be in the locker room at the gym across the street during lunch and she'll look right at me and not even say hello if I don't say it first.

SO says he never talked about the issues he and I were having last fall and into the beginning of this year, but I don't buy it.  I used to always find him at her desk and I just can't imagine he talked about just his ex all that time.  I do know that this girl talks about her miserable marriage all the time too... has been for well over a year to anyone who listens.

I woke up this morning to dreams of her... dreams of her flirting with every guy in the office.  SO asked me last week if I was upset because she won't be MY friend.  Pshaw... that is so not it.  But it would be nice if she wants to be HIS friend if she acknowledged me.  I asked if she asked him why I answered his cell phone that night she felt it necessary to call him with her marital woes and sure enough she did.  That sends a red flag to me.  Why should she care if I answer when she calls our home at night?

I didn't have a headache all weekend, but I have one today sitting here at work.  And she's not even in today.  Nor is SO but SO is home with his 4 kids... I trust that he is no where near her.

I was going to cancel my doctors appointment for tomorrow to get the referral for counseling.  I'm glad I didn't.

Thanks again.  This place rocks.

I saw my primary care physician this morning and I'm going to start Zoloft.  I don't need a referral for counseling so I'm on my own to actually make that appointment.  Maybe if I can just stop being so miserable then I'll feel good all together in my outlook on life these days.  Even my kids tell me to relax and stop crabbing. 

I'm still procrastinating on calling a counselor.  I've been to so many over the years that I just dread the thought of it again when I didn't really benefit before. 

I do like that the meds are helping to quell my anxieties and need to over analyze everything.  I just have to stop being so distant with SO, but that should come in time.

Thanks for checking in and asking how I'm doing.