This is what I need right now because I'm 40 and should NOT be feeling such insecurities and jealousies.

I don't even know where to start.  I have a headache over it though.  LOL

I've posted about how I'm trying to deal with and accept the female friendship my SO has developed over the last 6+ months.  I'm going from one extreme (demanding he stop the friendship) to the other extreme (practically pushing him at her) and I can't seem to find a happy medium.

When people started talking in the office about my SO and this girl (I say girl because she's mid-20s), I became very aware.  I had my suspicions that they were more than acquantences, but I guess it started bothering me when the rumors were starting about how "close" their friendship really was.

I handled myself wrong and immediately broke up with him and asked him to move out and said she has more in common with him and he should just be with her. 

He was adament to keep this friendship.  He said it was a "close" friendship.  He said I need to trust him and not control who he can be friends with.

She was just as adament.  She said he was whipped when he said they couldn't be friends.  She refused to talk to me and reassure me. 

I went out of my way to make them both feel comfortable (and continue to do so).  I forced myself to accept the friendship because SO said he was not doing anything wrong and he wasn't ending it.

So I pretend to be okay.  I want to be okay. 

She calls his cell phone when we're home, crying about how she just discovered PROOF her DH is cheating on her.  She doesn't have anyone to talk to so she calls MY SO.  And I'm okay.  I don't appreciate it, but at this point I'm calm.

Her and I email quite a bit after that phone call because my xDH also cheated repeatedly on me and I have a lot to share to help her. 

She never says hello to me first and she never talks/emails me first.  SO says that's just how she is.  She won't ever initiate.  She prefers male friends to female friends.

I email her today to ask why they don't seem to be friends anymore after fighting to remain friends.  Once again I try to make her feel more comfortable.  I tell her I accept the friendship and I hope I don't make her feel uncomfortable and want them to go back to the way it was.  They used to always hang at each other's desk and chat at the gym during lunch... now they barely say anything except on occassion.  And I feel as though their friendship is now in hiding... in email, so I can't see.

I'm sorry to ramble.  I try talking to SO but we tend to argue more than discuss and sometimes it's daily.  I hate coming to work and seeing her.  I get so miserable during the day.  Weekends SO and I have relaxing days and minimal arguing.

I'm 40... I shouldn't be feeling so confused and insecure and jealous and stupid!!

Thanks, Jen.  SO and I had a great weekend and he noticed that I get crabby during the week, but perk right up on the weekend.  So we are talking a bit about it.  So far today I've had a great day.

I'm just not going to let this girl bother me and I will say something if she does over step her boundaries again.  I am no longer going to go out of my way to be nice to her.  She does not respect me for being SO's gf.  She ignores me and I think that in itself is disrespectful and shows me that she has some motive.  I could be wrong, but if I knew a friends gf was uncomfortable, I would be sure to be more friendly.

So... I guess I'm done stressing over her.  SO has been great and he's the only one I care about.

Again, thanks for "listening". 

SO has been great this week.  He seems very in tune to my moodiness during the week day and he's helping me and being understanding.  We usually run together at lunch and I tend to keep everything bottled up until we run and then I crab and b!tch the entire run.  It does make the runs go faster since I'm not focused on how much my legs work, but it's horrible for us emotionally.  So we have done great so far this week.  It rained yesterday so we had lunch at my desk instead.

So this is a good week.  I don't care about this girl... I only care about SO and myself.  If she thinks he's whipped, so be it!

That is great news!... who knows, maybe the good weekend made him realize the friendship is not worth all the trouble with his loved one (you!) 

Well that feeling of euphoria was short lived.  At around 3 yesterday afternoon I found SO at this girl's desk talking.  He said she stopped him as he was walking by and she was complaining about the rumors that always fly around about her.  She said every job she's been in, the rumors start.  SO apparently asked if she had female friends and she said no she doesn't like female friends.  So he told her that perception is everythng and when she only hangs around the men then the rumors fly.  Lately she's befriended another guy in this office (actually her, my SO and this other guy were gym buddies for months before I started going to the gym).  She is with this guy (who's married) every lunch hour and they play basketball or work out together... yesterday they went to lunch and some one else made a comment to her and now she's all upset and OF COURSE had to confide in my SO.

So ever since I ssw them talking I've slid back into a dark, gloomy depressed state.  SO kept telling me yesterday that I'M unbelievable.  I didn't sleep at all last night even though I took a sleep aide.  I was mad because he was snoring away.  He knows I'm hurting yet he pretends like nothing is wrong and that I have issues because this friendship of his bothers me so much.

Last year I told him to get some friends... so he keeps throwing that in my face.  I didn't mean FEMALE friends.  He was having some issues in our relationship and I wanted him to have a guy friend he could confide in. 

I really hate that this bothers me and I wish I could pin point why it does.  I just don't feel all warm and fuzzy in my gut about her.

sigh

Thanks for not jumping on me and saying I need help because I shouldn't be concerned over them just talking.  Everythng you say is stuff I've said to SO about her. 

I can't decide if the issue is with myself, her or him.  My thoughts are so all over the place.  SO has/had other women he has friends with in the office that doesn't bother me at all.  The only thing different is these women also have a friendship with me.  Shoot, one other girl would flirt around with him in a joking way and they would be at the gym together without me and it didn't bother me... I had twinges of jealousy, but nothing like this. 

I feel bad for SO... he doesn't know how to act.  And now he tells me he has to work on a project with her.  She used to come to SO all the time with stupid crap "I don't know how to change the printer cartridge", "I don't know how to start the memo".  She's the secretary to the boss, btw.  How can you make $37,000 a year and you don't even know the basic things about your job.  She is always asking SO for help in Microsoft Word.     I know it's just her way.  Woe is me. 

But he falls for it.

I've actually been crying all day today because I'm so confused and upset and I NEVER cry.  I don't think SO has ever seen me cry.  I am mad at myself for this.

I think I need counseling again.  I think that a lot of what my ex DH did (serial cheater) is coming into my head. 

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