Hi, I am new to this. Was just actually piddling around and looking for a message board that caught my eye and this one did that.  Well here goes nothing...  I am a 43-year-old mother of two wonderful kids.  My daughter is 17, will be 18 in a month and my son just turned 5 in December.  I am married now for 7 1/2 years to which 6 1/2 of those years were just wonderful.   I am sort of a stay at home mom... and have been now for about 5 1/2 years.. though I do transcribe medical transcription from my home so stay at home mom yes but I work while I am home.    

The last year of my life has been a whirl wind of hurt... lies and just complete disbelief.   My husband and I have have had such a wonderful marriage from the get go.  We shared everything together.. our days off were always spent together.. I mean we just did everything together.  He at this time was manager of a local store.  To make a long store short, he became friends with a woman/employee 25 years younger then him  and they began to chat it up.   When I was made aware of her coming into his store and visiting with him on nights that he worked the store til close alone, I questioned him about it.  To which he replied  they were just friends... she is married and has three kids and he said they would just talk about the kids.   I tried to accept it.. I even called this other person and she too reassured me that my husband was 25 years older then her and that  she was not interested ... we are just friends she said.     Every month the cell bill would come after he had told me he wasn't talking to her and there it was in black and white.. one call after another to one another... it was so unbelievable..  and he would tell me he didn't understand why he couldn't be friends with her ...there was nothing  physical, just friends.   I stuck it out for 8 months.. trying to believe in him when he would tell me he had stopped talking to her.. only for next months bill to show up and there it is again... more calls..... we would go to couseling .. the couseler would make me feel good... and ask him if he realized what he was doing... told him point blank.."you are having an emotional affair on your wife"... still he was in denial.   In November.. one morning I woke up with numb feet.. and I mean numb feet.. by noon that day I was numb from the knees down and by the following morning from just below the belly button down..  I went through tests.. MRI after MRI... diagnosed with MS the ay before Thanksgiving.. and after that on high dose of steroids IV home therapy for 5 days then steroids for several weeks afterward... but something happened in the mean while.. I am not quite sure what it was.. but this woman and I began texting each other.. then phoning each other... maybe it was the fact that I had become sick and she felt guilty??   I am not sure still to this day.. but she began telling me she wanted me to know the truth etc... the truth ended up being that she was in love with my husband.. and that he was in love with her.. but she didn't want him because she wanted to make things work with her husband or that is what she said.. It's the funniest darn thing, I knew fromt he very beginning that something was going on and every time I would accuse him or confront him he would lie to me and make me think I was losing it... It's crazy... cause I love my husband more then anything in this world.. even after all of this...He has lied to me more than any one person should ever be lied to.  Oh he is so sorry now... it was just an ego thing he says... He loved the attention she gave him... whatever!!   She even had the nerve two days after Christmas to send me an encouragment card, hoped I was feeling better and enclosed a business card to a local spa and a 50 dollar bill.... can you believe it...    I plan to send the ole  #*$*(^ the money right back to her.. just haven't come up with GOOD way to do it yet...    

So My husband has started new job and is away from there now but every minute of every day he is gone I worry... is he talking to her?.. are they texting?... god I don't want to live like this every day.. My mother tells me not to wory.. Let him do what he wants.. don't question him... just don't worry about it...but I am not made like that... It is my business and by golly I should know... How the heck does a person get over this uneasy feeling...  How does a person ever learn to trust again..?   I don't want to feel like this.  I want to trust every single word that he tells me just like I used to.... Anyone have any experience with trust issues like this?   Thanks and I think I am gonna love this site...

Thank You Tricia for replying.   My husband does want the marriage or so he says.. and says he loves me but he has said this all along... even through all the months of lies he would still say he loved me and he wanted to be here... That is why part of me does believe he was infatuated by this 25 year old girl who thought he was the cats meow..    He isn't.. I have news for her.. hehehe.. but none the less I love him and I don't want to give up so easily.  I feel like I have taken more then most women would have ever stood for and still I stand here and try to be strong..  Its very difficult some days.. and Its a good thing I am at home alone because I do a lot of crying but crying is good they say.. and it makes me feel better so I don't have a problem with it.   I just wish I could get over it one way or another.. then I would be much better.   Thanks again for replying...

Hi PegyJ,

I'm so sorry to read of your troubles.  It's devastating to know you can't trust the person you love.  If he's really committed to the marriage and wants to share life with you and the children, then the best thing is to go to counseling.  An objective third party can help you both open up and find the direction you need to go.

Just remember, the choices we make have consequences.  They are our choices and they are neither right or wrong (I know some of you won't agree), but the consequences are what determine whether the path you're on is working for you or not.

I also believe that there are no coincidences in life.  The fact that you knew in your heart something was going on and were diagnosed with MS at around the same time is very telling.  Sometimes our bodies know before we can accept it in our head.  Your goal at this point is to live your live to its fullest and healthiest.  Having support from those who love you and will stand by you is also very important - you will realize you are not alone in this. 

You can be strong - and that strength will bring what you need to you as long as you aren't afraid to open your heart to it.  Accept all the positive things around your and block out the negative.  You'd be amazed how things can change...

Blessings,
Jolie