ok, I'm frustrated and so I decided to make a new years goal a little early.  Just a small one... well, maybe not that small.

I'm so sick of holding everything in.  It's like I don't have the ability to just SAY what's on my mind.  It's not that I feel like a door mat, I think I do stand up for myself, sometimes but I'm pretty tired of co-signing everyone else's bullshit and not even saying a word whenever my feelings are stepped on or when I feel upset or insulted.  Which unfortunately is how I feel a lot and then I beat myself up because I decide it's just my fault that I'm too sensitive and that I shouldn't take everything so personally.

hmmm...

anyway, my solution for growth is to ONCE A DAY do or say something true to how I'm feeling regardless of how scary it is.

I love it too!  And it's an area I can stand a lot of work on, too.

here I come!  lol.  I was thinking about this the other day.  A big part of me is figureing out that I get happier with age and start to realize all the things that bogged me down and how much happier I COULD have been if I'd known all of this about 10 years ago.  I know they always say that age brings wisdom.  I guess I just wish it didn't have to take so long. 

It seems like an awful long time to struggle.  I know I shouldn't begrudge the past and look forward but sometimes I am really sad and angry for the girl I was in the past... 

Maybe the more we struggle the richer life will be?  I'm ok with that... lol