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My Mom's Heart
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January 07, 2009, 09:04:34 AM
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JennR
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« on: June 16, 2006, 07:13:05 PM »

M y Mom is in her mid 60\'s, a ling-time HEAVY smoker, and about 60 lbs. overweight. We have all been telling her for years: Quit smoking, eat healthier, start exercising, and lose weight.... Now her Dr. has detected some problem with her heart. Heart disease runs in her family, her mother died around my Mom’s age after her 3’rd heart attack.

Other than watching my kids occasionally, lives a very sedentary lifestyle...

I am really worried about her.

She is under so much extra stress right now. Her only Son’s wife is dying, her one daughter is going through the divorce from hell, and meanwhile, I rely on her heavily for childcare for my very difficult children… Meanwhile, my Dad, the health nut, is constantly berating her for smoking, and being overweight.  

I fear that because of everything else going on in our family right now, that she might be “down-grading” her heart condition.

I am just very worried about her right now.

It is only a matter of days now until my SIL dies, and my Mom is saying that physically, she cannot travel across the county for the funeral, and wants me to go in her place - meaning my completely unruly children would be giving her hell the whole time I am gone!  

Honestly, I don’t know what would be worse!
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miclason
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« Reply #1 on: June 17, 2006, 06:58:49 PM »

Jenn,  hug

I don\'t know how unruly your kids truly are, but, kids tend to behave better when they are with other people than with their parents!...also, even if your kids ARE a handful, she probably prefers to be occupied by something else than the loss of her beautiful daughter in law and the pain of her son!

...Dad smoked for years (from 16 to 78!) before he finally quit...while he DID exercise and watch what he ate, he was also a heavy drinker...Ever since I remember, he had to take pills for his heart...and he got to be 90!!

...Mom had a host of eating disorders and pill-addiction problems...she NEVER exercised - but kept her weight at 106 lbs through 1. not eating or 2. purging...she had a heart condition as well...she died at 79!

I don\'t think I\'m doing much of a job helping put your mind at ease here  blah blah blah  blah blah blah  ...but, I guess what I want to say is, while trying to get her to take care of herself and quit smoking is definetely the thing to do, don\'t stress yourself out if she doesn\'t make a total turnaround.... People from past generations seem to be a lot sturdier than we are!  hug
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Free2BMe
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« Reply #2 on: June 19, 2006, 06:14:51 AM »

Hi, JennR.  I'm sorry for the position you find yourself in.  Have you tried talking to your mom about taking control back of her health and her life?  Can you help her along the way to stay positive and motivated?
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Jen
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« Reply #3 on: June 20, 2006, 01:29:31 PM »

It is hard to see someone you love doing things you know aren't healthy and are quite likely shortening their time with us.  Like most things, they won't change unless they want to.  it isn't something we can guilt, berate or goad them into.  I guess all we can do is be supportive, be available and not play into whatever it is they're doing inadvertently.  If I know someone who drinks too much, I can choose not to have alcohol in the house if they come for dinner.  I can't stop them from bringing a bottle on their own, but I don't have to encourage it either.  My dad smokes and has forever, and I know it's a struggle for him to stop.  He tries, but he still smokes.  I hate it, and I wish he could stop right now, cold turkey and stop damaging himself any further, but I can't change it. 

I feel for you and your family.  hug
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Free2BMe
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« Reply #4 on: June 21, 2006, 06:22:50 AM »

Great post, Jen!  It is hard, but you're right, no amount of guilt or control will get them to change unless they want it bad enough.  All we can do is NOT enable them.

Sending continued well wishes to Jenn!  hug
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