Last night, around 9:00, we watching a movie with the kids when the doorbell rang.

It was our friends 13 year old son. He was visably upset and said he had just had a huge fight with his parents, and then he ran away from home!

We used to be very close with the parents, and have known thier son since he was a baby. But, now we only see them 1-2 times a year now. Because, over the years the dad has become a raging alcoholic, and spends ALL of his free time at a bar. Meanwhile, the Mom works, does everthing for the home and thier son, and is always complaining about being broke (because the Dad drinks all thier $).    

We had a small barbeque for Memorial Day, and they came. Well actually, thier son came, and explained the \"Dad was drunk, and had been at the bar all day, and Mom was sleeping.\" He then proceeded to tell me that he is home alone all of the time while and his parents are at the bar evey night until 3 AM, even on work & school nights, that they always get drunk and yell, and throw shoes (or whatever they have handy) at him!?!?

2 hours later the parents showed up, and the Dad was drunk (as usual).

A couple of years ago I tried to gently discuss the fact that he is an Alcoholic with the Mom. She is from a different culture, and I seriously think she had no idea what I was talking about.  

Now, thier son\'s life is falling apart due to the drinking and neglect. He has been acting out, sneaking out, running away... We have siad for years that the kid needs counseling and dicipline, beuae he is really a hand ful...

Last night running away to our house really brought us in to the middle of thier family problems.    

The Dad had been at the bar and was 2 hours late getting home to pick them up for dinner out. Then, because he was drunk, he didn\'t want to go to the restaraunt he had promised. The Mom offered to drive, but he was drunk, and they wound up in a huge fight, with  the Dad speeding away, leaving them at home with no dinner. He blames his Mom for what the Dad does... It is such a sad situation.

So, I fed him some leftovers from our dinner, gave him a few minutes to cool down, while I called his Mom and told her to come and get him.

He did not want to leave, and said that he is going to get a \"restraining order\"  or \"run away and live in the woods.\"

I don\'t want to get involved in thier problems, but now I feel like I have been dragged in, and I am afraid he will do this again...

 to your family and especially to him.  I agree with Jen - he does need to get out of that environment if at all possible.  I am not surprised that he wants to run away.

At the moment, if the local school has a chapter of Alateen that may be of some benefit - at the very least he will know that he is not alone.

http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/

That is a tough situation. It sounds like it was a Divine Appointment that you were home and the boy came to your house. The suggestions so far sound right on to me, FWIW, and I\'d like to add, that in my experience, the thing at this point that you can do, w/o fear of any legal repercussions, is to be there and let the boy have SOMEONE to talk to. Do you report it all now? I don\'t know. My son is 13, and I tried to imagine him in that situation. God knows he would be a mess. If you were interested, there might be a way you could \"Foster\" him, at least for a little while? But it seems like I\"ve heard before that we can\'t change the parents, but we can be there for the kids, if at all possible.
I might be totally wrong, but that is my opinion.
abbie

I would suggest looking into the Child Protective Agencies in your area. You can \"Hypothetically\" and anonymously call & ask them some Q\'s. But at this point, IMHO, the parents are a moot point.
They are in control of the cr@ppy life they have. The kids are another story.
And, yes, It\'s altogether possible that the boys\' behavioral problems are related to the home situation. In fact, it\'s likely.
I hope I don\'t have to make a decision like that any time soon, but really, you might call a treatment center, and ask them about ALANON. The ppl in Alanon know how to deal with the insanity (W/o letting it pull them under), and sometimes they know how to NOT deal.
If you\'ve ever been to a petstore, and noticed how the (dogs, especially) act when out of their cages? How they\'re all crazy and freaking out? Well, that\'s b/c they\'ve been in that little cage for much too long and they\'re delighted to be OUT and interacting w/ someone. Once they\'re out for a while, they settle right down.
My point is, that the boy is likely to have much less problems if he were in a position to get enough sleep, healthy food regularly, and some stability, and kindness. Children are like a warning siren for how their parents are doing, inside. If mine freak out for a little bit  I have to wonder if there\'s something *I* am doing or going thru, that they\'re upset about?

It\'s gotta be a tough call. I\'ll pray for you all.
Be Blessed
abbie
 

Legally, the child is still a minor, and the Child Protectin Agency is where I\'d be going first thing. Easy? No, maybe not, but the RIGHT THING seems to be difficult most of the time. Funny I was reading something the other day about a woman wondering what or IF she should say or do about a pregnant woman hurting her child....
IMHO, the \"don\'t get involved\" mentality is a cryin\' shame, and probably why we have so many freaks today.
I\'m not saying that you are wrong if you don\'t go to the CPS. I can\'t say what I\'d do, in your shoes. I hope you will consider that, though.
I hope you will be able to keep calm in the midst of this storm. PM me if you want to talk....abbie

Post edited by: abbiegrrl, at: 2006/06/06 20:04

Hey, Jenn;
Are things quieting down for now? Wondering how things are in your corner of the world?
abbiegrrl







                                   
 

Post edited by: abbiegrrl, at: 2006/06/13 21:44