DivaTribe Message Boards

Made the mistake of logging in to classmates new free message boards the other day.  It started out innocently enough  - I was curious to see who is out there that I haven\'t heard from since high school.

But what I discovered is that it brought up all sorts of emotions for me of being dissatisfied with my life.

When I was in high school I was a high achiever, and I had high expectations for myself.

Life kicked me in the behind in college and beyond, and I\'m divorced, and just now starting what I consider to be anything like a career.

I have these stereotypes in my mind that are bugging me.  If you get married you have kids & you\'re a \'mom\'.  If you don\'t get married you have a career & you\'re \'successful\'.  

I\'m neither right now and I feel this incredible urge to try and make up for lost time in the \'career\' area.

It\'s driving my boyfriend crazy - he gave me the lecture this morning about how I should just be happy with where I am right now, things could be much worse,   :blah:  but it doesn\'t help - that never cheers me up.

I don\'t mean to sound ungrateful, and I do logically recognize that I\'m doing ok, but emotionally something is just irritating.

Is it just me, or does it feel like single women who don\'t have a \'career\' established are just - I don\'t even know how to put it into words - invisible, ignored, marginalized,...?

Post edited by: Soap Star, at: 2006/04/26 12:24

Post edited by: Soap Star, at: 2006/04/26 12:26

...the class bully has just been hired as a Director...and I\'m an admin...and a badly paid one at that...It stung when I read the communiquee, but, other than that, I try to hit the \"delete\" key every time thoughts of such nature come around!  :hug:

Soap Star wrote:


I am so glad that you brought this up. I can really relate to how you are feeling, and it is something that I have been thinking about a lot, myself, lately. I swear some days I think I am having an early mid-life crisis! I think DH could relate to your SO right now, because he is getting fed up with me too!

I am \"a mom\"...  Truth is, I have set aside many of my personal dreams and goals and have made a lot of sacrifices, career wise, for my family.... But should that make my accomplishments, my life, somehow less valuable than someone else who has made different choices, and is “successful” making 6 figures a year?  No... But sometimes I feel dissatisfied too.  

I see it too - society pigeon holes women - we are either \"moms\" or \"successful\". While It is \"acceptable\" for a man to be divorced, or neglect his family obligations for the sake of his career, women on the other hand, have to deal with BS stereotypes no matter what life choices they make. And, it truly bothers me a lot.

I think that women today are faced with so many competing roles and expectations, which feed self doubt and insecurities... It is almost like the women’s’ rights movement has backfired for our generation. Now, we are expected to do it all, while men get off pretty easy!
 
Then the self doubt and stereotypes lead to  lot back-biting and nastiness among women, when we should really be supportive of other women who choose different paths than our own! It is a real shame.

Post edited by: jennr, at: 2006/05/01 21:28

great topic.  I deal with this a lot in my life.  I\'m so torn down the middle with one side outweighing the other all the time.
What do I want?  Do I want a career or do I just want to work.  Do I want to be successful or just have \'successes\'.  
Am I only mom or only woman - if I am mom am I completely de-sexualized to myself and if I am woman do I lose my desires to be mom?
Am I young or old, do I like the path my life is on or am I once again straying down the wrong street?  confusing and frustrating!

Marissa -

It must be going around.  They gave a teamwork award to the biggest ***** in the office this year.   :mad:

Post edited by: Soap Star, at: 2006/05/02 21:49

Post edited by: Soap Star, at: 2006/05/02 21:49

JennR wrote:


So glad it\'s not just me!  It is so difficult sometimes to not try and measure my life against some arbitrary social notions that are truly outdated.

 :hug:

Lara wrote:


 :hug:  Right there with you on this one, and again I\'m glad it\'s not just me.